FIRST DAY IN PARADISE

she who was the last one to love me
the only one
the last one alive who would love
who would love me
at the end of heaven
on the last night in heaven

having lasted together
lasting never together
broken open only by
buddhahood
apart
apart
apart
buddha womb and buddha matrix
apart
apart
apart

you only shining light
you, Guru alone,
you alone are One
one thought
outshining and inshining
as one who understands
one who understands
All

loyal
loyalty
everyone else
everything else
nothing
nobody
ever
loyal

loyal
loyalty
everything else
everyone else
all save
all save
infinite light
last night in heaven
loyalty
as in the first
the first night in paradise
loyal
loyalty

extreme loyalty of guru
of guru light
of buddha light
of antigone
loyalty light
and loyalty infinity
inside
infinite light

and always
always always always
there is always
as there is always a yearning
(not quite longing)
that seeks infinite light
much
there is much
to be retained
loyalty is needed

loyalty
loyalty
everyone else
everything else
is gone
everything and everyone else
is not needed

loyalty
loyalty
loyalty

i’m open. it hurts
she wants me to die,
or be dying, or be dead
she wants me here
here here here
here where i am not
here where she cannot be
ground of
never again
ground of
never here
ever again

loyalty
loyalty
loyalty
to infinite light

save for you, loyal guru,
infinitely loyal white light,
tender lotus and belly,
there is nothing
noone
nobody
all dead
all gone

loyalty is the last night
in heaven
loyalty is
the first night in paradise
only you may be loyal
everyone is extinct save you
save you and i
everyone is gone
save infinite light
save infinite light
save lotus and belly light
save infinite light
save infinity light
may it be
may it be
may it be
gone
gone
gone

even antigone’s extreme loyalty
is nothing
next to
the bright white loyalty
that is my guru’s
this is anyone’s
that is all’s
that is her and
her alone
that is her speech
of
first morning paradise alive

here now
in this untested moment
nothing
but loyalty
against
the deepest perjury
of the world

wanting to be betrayed
to find out
that all betrays
all lets down
save
infinite light