Reading Simone Weil
I have one highlighter, two pencils and one eraser acting as bookmarks and then three actual bookmarks in my copy of First and Last Notebooks. I have sunflowers next to the lamp on my desk. I am wearing a pink Kingdom Hearts tee that is (intentionally) too big. Axxturel is on the pods. I am using a (yellow) highlighter under the assumption there isn’t time not to (I previously never did). Impatience? I write under the assumption there isn’t time. What is impatience.
Harmony Korine
He is the perfect merger of angel and demon. Rare, Miltonic, no division. I will always approach his ring of skydiving nuns with the consciousness of a disciple. They may be compared with Joe and 22 freefalling towards earth at the end of Soul (2020). An image that goes in for a lifetime.
The Holocaust Joke
The only funny joke I ever heard about God was a Jewish joke, because it was a ‘Holocaust joke’. (The joke was at the expense of God. Only they, Jews, could make such a joke, precisely because only they, after Auschwitz, knew just how much He wouldn’t get it.)
Covidian Time, Before And After
Before, I wanted still to make my life last as long as possible and be well and productive for those years. After, something else, the mystical pattern not mine to form. I needed no tomorrow at all and never have done. I have wanted to scream that I am happy with this one second, a rainbow seed alone. Now I commit to my Rinpoche and to create beautiful things while there is still time. Empty open absolute infinite finite différance and Dharmakāya.
Ferocity-Clarity
I was talking about ferocity as a question. Should I be more or less ferocious in what I write, or do I need that at all? The question is needless. It is possible to imagine a pure rainbow writing. It is also an illusion to think this writing would be exempt from clarity-ferocity. But, without thought, in pure knowing, it is both.
The Lover
We have gone quickly in these newsletters said everything and nothing, which is for the best, because the end is real. The Ravishing of Lol Stein is one of her few sublime texts that she did not film herself, leaving aside The Lover—but in some ways The Lover is the ultimate Duras film as erotica ersatz.
Because I Love Her
‘Because I love her’, says the book; this can be said of her.*
*Because I love, I may speak as I want.
Marriage
Said again, marriage becomes for Lol Stein the only way to take the walks, ten years of children so that one can take the walks and think of the word that doesn’t exist for the end of the world.
Is the Ferocious Known Or Is It Necessary?
Real question. Outrages that we already know about, why return to them? We can vary them? But we always vary them. They come back. We know them only in variation. And yet that too, we know. (And then, we fall asleep.)
Today Without Tomorrow (Sleeplessness)
Malina says the same thing about living without tomorrow because the word for the end of the world, a word that doesn’t exist, has to be said, like the staying up all night of Lol and then the walking so that it can be thought about, and then how this relates to marriage, since for her no walks without that marriage which, Duras says, she wanted, did not want.
Family
Why rely on the family as container to think the end of the world? But also, what is the family but a container for this word without name for the end of the world? (Antigone and the state. The mystic and the group. Luke 14:25-26.)
Reading Continued . . . Or Not
I’m shocked that Duras did it so soon, in The Ravishing of Lol Stein. Maybe the only one. That section. Do I need to read the rest? Do the walks continue?
The Secret
Buoyancy supreme as ‘until we can truly survive’.