PORTRAIT OF GIANCARLO DITRAPANO AS A YOUNG ANGEL
Notes on strong drug messianicity.
ANGELICISM01 RE-MEMBERS DITRAPANO : : : : GIAN MEASURED DRUGS BY ANGELS
Je peux sentir mes pensées être élevées au visage de dieu.
I didn’t know Giancarlo DiTrapano in the conventional sense at all but I word-searched his tweets for angels after I read an angel reference in Tao Lin’s account of knowing him and it turns out he vibed with angels a lot on the TL and even seemed to want to ʍɛǟֆʊʀɛ ɖʀʊɢֆ ɨռ ǟռɢɛʟֆ ✨:
Did Gian, as those who knew him call him, think that drugs, as angels (𝘥𝘳𝘶𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭 𝘥𝘳𝘶𝘨𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘥𝘳𝘶𝘨𝘴, 𝘥𝘳𝘶𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭𝘴), called to be remembered, as such? Are specific drugs differently angelicistically memory protocols?
Or, yet again, do drug experiences according to DiTrapano, as angelic equivalents and measures (𝖆 𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖘𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖆𝖓𝖌𝖊𝖑𝖘, 𝖆 𝖒𝖎𝖑𝖑𝖎𝖔𝖓 𝖆𝖓𝖌𝖊𝖑𝖘, 𝖆 𝖘𝖊𝖝𝖙𝖎𝖑𝖑𝖎𝖔𝖓 𝖆𝖓𝖌𝖊𝖑𝖘, 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖘𝖔 𝖔𝖓), leave us with something more imperative in memory than anything else?
Opana, the immediate-release version of Opana ER (extended-release), is being linked by DiTrapano in October 2020 to a certain ‘never forget’:
Drug experiences, perhaps slightly less so than sex, have no memory. The memory of good sex fades, which allows us to understand, at depth, the sexual abstinence and ecstatic deprivation of nuns and Lamas. Since sex is not in the moment it’s not in, it’s easy to imagine that sex is not more broadly or rather that the memory of sex without sex is everything. And the same for drugs.
In other tweets, DiTrapano spoke of which drugs one speaks to angels on and which drugs one doesn’t speak to angels on. For him, heroin is non-angel-communicative-conducive and k is angel-conducive-conversational. The infinite conversation with angels isn’t had on heroin because heroin envelopes the organism in too much heavy angelicism, one might say, to need angels. Heroin is already too much of an angel to talk to angels on, Gian seems to say.
Or, on heroin one doesn’t need to talk to angels because it is a (heavy) angel. Or, heroin doesn’t need to talk to angels because it (itself) is a (heavy) angel. Ket, on other hand, we are told, is an angelic or angelically discursive drug. Here is the tweet, a matter of months ago, still, ugh, flying:
Isn’t DiTrapano without perhaps knowing it cross-hatching the angelicity of drugs with the title of Guadagnino’s Call Me by Your Name, which is analogously a very angelic title? Ppl ‘deep in k’ do the whole ‘call me by my (the angel’s) name’ thing that can’t always be done in normal, non-drugged time and memory. Drugged angelic time, which is drugged post-mortal, post-posterity time in extinction conditions, is the time of impossible memoryholing-in-one, or angeliculted time: the drug angels always say, ‘call me by my name, call me by your name, or memory, your memories, your achievement of things after life before life is done’.
Like Gian is writing this now.
The birth of philosophy is an angel’s kiss: without ever knowing him, isn’t there something Novalisian about this concentration on and attention given to angelic memory, measure, and even math?1
To measure drugs by angels is as if to multiply angels by drugs so as to be able to remember (them): so as to be in the memory of drugs, and in the memory of drug experiences.
It may seem delirious to remember someone one doesn’t know in this way, but actually it’s what was written on the wall: ‘never forget’. A never forget directed not towards holocaustal traces or liberty, but the angelicity and geometry of drug architectonics.
Up close with god
seraphi drugs
arrange them as in a ladder of cardinals
‘god’s angel’ i.e. Gian was a seraphim
angel-strength drugs
a drug needed for the end of the world
child’s strength ecstasy
a new drug strong enough to take away the pain of the end of the world.
REST IN DRUGS (R.I.D.) (discursive drug novalisianism013)/༼ つ ╹ ╹ ༽つ𝒶𝓃𝑔𝑒𝓁𝓀𝒾𝓃-icity of ANGEL‘GIAN’E HEAVENSGATE CEO
What most struck me about Gian by Tao Lin is the liaison, in many ways not conventionally angelic at all of course, between suicide headaches, clusters, and the natural need for drugs. I know what it’s like, I said to myself, to need a drug so badly because it’s the end of a world. Isn’t that ａｎｇｅｌｉｃｉｔｙ itself?
i thought i was god’s angel here to do his work / and had all the power in the world / so wild / i called my brother and sister and freaked them out / i was just medicating for my clusters and went too far lol / but so beautiful / the most beautiful experience i’ve had in my life
It was all ‘lol’, and serious, and yet it was the most beautiful experience of a lifetime: this is the tension inherent in living in the memory of drugs.2 Drugs existed3 that were so strong, strong enough to take away a supreme symptom, a headache so bad it made you want to die, or go extinct. Without drugs measurable by and as angels, the end-of-the-world-in-the-headache would be too apparent.
This is the other sense of a drug measured by angels, that given the amount of pain now available in the human frame, the presence of drugs is an angelic presence not to be underestimated. I have to admit that for personal reasons I won’t go into for now DiTrapano’s lived need to medicate against an extreme something (suicide headaches as extological symptomology) is something I strongly identify with.
Here is a quote I come back to again and again:
That notion that if the world is going to end, we’ll all need a drug. I am not a drug-taker, but I am a medication-taker, and it changed my life. I think more and more our loneliness is being assuaged by addictions of one kind or another and it will be a big part of the end of the world.
Isn’t this what Giancarlo DiTrapano testified to? Without conventionally knowing him, it seems like the only question I can ask. Nothing else to say and stay alive for and on, except here in the angelicist memory and bower of technology’s trance and writing.
MORE OF WHAT GIAN SAID ACCORDING TO TAO
Have you heard about Giancarlo’s actual love? The more I think about DiTrapano’s actual headaches and their timing, which is to say the love it must have taken, the more there is to think, even if through the impersonality of these angel structures that seem to outlast us in advance there is so little to say and do. The more one thinks through being-on-drugs as extology, the warmer one gets, the closer one gets to the present, to the planet-made-universe. The more one liaises with suicide headaches as a time-cluster and bomb for the all, the the more one thinks through angelicism upwards and throughout all its numbers, and the more one has the feeling ‘you’re getting warm’. To value a drug by an angel number (1000 angels or far more) is to understand life in terms of infinities, which is basically the only drug that works. All the rest is what Badiou calls the ideology of finitude. Angel numbers are the ‘never forget’.
For these reasons, I thought it worth simply repeating some more of what Giancarlo DiTrapano actually said according to Tao Lin’s ‘story’. All speech by Giancarlo DiTrapano reported by Tao Lin here made direct:
Maybe a couple of monumental moments, but mostly a blur of watching the sunrise every morning. I don’t mind time flying though. I feel like I’ve done everything I want to do in life. Now I’m just like waiting for disease or tragedy. I don’t know. Life is nice sometimes, but it mostly seems annoying/ridiculous.
Sated, in the middle of life, like Tao Lin says this is a way of not wanting to die, whatever one’s experiences are, regardless the dying. Even an experience of suicide, after all, may not be driven by the obvious forms of the death drive. Since life is where it’s at, and was, all we been doing is waiting on a disease. Everyone pretends to have careers and to do writing work, but what about the general implacable weirdness of having a job or doing anything at all during a near-side mass extinction event?
There’s no other at to be at.
In this sense, the general pharmacological turn (of his) is accurate, which is to say highly rigorous in the mathematical sense. Narcotically rigorous. Always to be speculated on by anyone, and with no delay. There’s nothing more perfect than being online and getting high from it at the end of a universe. You’re going to tell me that’s not where we’re at, but you must be high not to think the same way as me. Try not to be an angel, with this amount of pain.
And:
i feel like i’m never gonna see people from america again. kind of scary. what a whack-ass year
Drugs be something like the sense-drift that ‘infinites are NOTHING compared to THIS’, and yet what does this equal exactly, save open intelligence as completely non-conventional itera? Gian’s angel tweets (there are others I leave you to find) are not a numerological whimsy but an accurate thinking and sensing. The same applies to everyone’s tweets, right now, in the end. As the end.
And:
wanna tell you about something like just in texts or whatever but i don’t think i have your number or even if you use a phone anymore
What does it mean to talk more and more in dms? In set theory terms, which Gian already seems to know and speak in, it’s as we’re trying to develop the cardinality of angelicity. Gian’s clusters ∈ itera-extincto-phonic redress ∈ cardinality of angelicity in dms, as god’s angels are meant to think.
I know him without knowing him, I share this space in which an extinction headache of all needs to be attended to. When I read your tweets Gian, you’re more than alive to me, and that is because maybe we’re about to be more than dead.
The cardinality of angelicity as separated from god. That’s the language they spoke, before and as the end.
Ardwahisht
Cerlendriel
Ameretat
Shahrewar
Shenaminar
Haurvatat
NeoMichealmon
DesMichealmon
Kanade Tachibana
Vengeful Iron
Father Seraphim Rose
Phanuel
and Gian.
You reminded me. It was all so like staring at a higher dimensionality in maths that has never and could never have to do with the life (the cardinality of beautiful-ass angels and angelicity).
And, one more time in full thinking, finally:
dude / i tripped my balls off last night / such a long story / but i thought i was god’s angel here to do his work / and had all the power in the world / so wild / i called my brother and sister and freaked them out / i was just medicating for my clusters and went too far lol / but so beautiful / the most beautiful experience i’ve had in my life / i was convinced i would be king of Italy lmao / feel so happy today
These notes are written in angelic rage at completion, for Giancarlo DiTrapano obviously, who I knew by none of the conventions. There is nothing and nobody else to know.
Like Novalis says and asks, ‘Does beautiful mathematics exist? Mystical mathematics, musical mathematics? Has mathematics merely a finite purpose? Is it not purely theoretical? Mathematics—real and pure.’
I might have written: it was all ‘lol’, and all serious, and yet it was all the most beautiful experience of a lifetime. As Masha Tupitsyn recently writes, ‘All has taken its toll.’
In our time, while we were still there, one might say. Real-ass angelicist-speak.
tfw burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night
I have an interesting connection to GdT; on DM.